Okay, let’s admit it, at one time or another we’ve all said “yes” when we wanted to say “no,” “no” when we wanted to say “yes,” and “maybe” when we really didn’t mean it. Also, at one time or another, we’ve pushed someone’s boundaries, invaded their personal space, went in for the hug without waiting, accepted a lukewarm “yes” when we knew they didn’t mean it.
How did it leave us feeling? Angry at ourselves and the other; guilt-ridden, pissed off, remorseful. Why did we do it? Because neither culture nor family of origin taught us any better. As a matter of fact, they taught us how to go against our own boundaries, if they taught us about boundaries at all. They taught us to push for what we wanted (a “real man” would go for it, wouldn’t they?); they taught us how to be nice and not make waves (a “good girl” would not raise her voice or cause a scene); they taught us to use veiled language and maintain ambiguity and deniability.
In this 2.5 hour session you will learn and practice the following:
+ Learning what you want – Making a personal inventory of desires, fears, strengths and weaknesses
+ Learning your boundaries – How to make a list of your “hard nos”, your “under the right circumstances” and your “hell yes-es”!
+ Setting your boundaries – Where your line in the sand is, and where you want to test your own boundaries (maybe you don’t know how you feel about something until it happens)
+ Learn how to explore safely using safe words, changing your “yes” to a “no,” and giving and getting feedback.
+ Getting consent – How getting unambiguous consent can protect you in many ways,
+ Boundary violations and how to address them – Learn how to say no, gently and caringly yet with authority and finality, and how to deal with someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries (dealing with it as it happens, reporting it, and finding support after the fact
+ Reclaiming your space – Physical maneuvers to evade: the unwanted hug, the stray hand in a snuggle, the person who doesn’t hear or respect your “no”, Using words, tone of voice, and screams to be heard and avoid all possibility of being misunderstood,
+ Overcoming “freeze” – What to do it you freeze (fight, flight, or freeze response), and
+ How to recognize that someone you are interacting with has frozen (usually caused by past trauma)
This is a practical, hands-on class where we will discuss actual and theoretical situations, and give useful information for how to deal with them. Group exercises will be part of the class, and attendees are welcome to participate in them or abstain and observe.
Cassie Brighter is an author and public speaker. Cassie is the webmistress for SexPositiveWorld.com and the leader of Sex Geekdom L.A. Cassie focuses on teaching consent culture, social change and gender-diversity awareness. Cassie writes on Medium.com, and can be found on Cassie’s Facebook Page, or at CassieBrighter.com.
Beverly Diehl is an author and editor. Beverly volunteers for SexPositiveWorld by running its many Facebook groups and hosting body-positive events known as Beautiful Badass Bodies. Beverly’s recently-published memoir “Sex, Drugs, Rock-n-Roll & a Tiara” describes how her experiences with polyamory and sex-positive communities helped her during her battle with breast cancer. You can find Beverly via her website, BeverlyDiehl.com.
Sex Geekdom has 30 hubs in 8 countries. With 30 hubs in 8 countries, Sex Geekdom is a global community for people who love having geeky conversations about sex. It was founded in 2012 by sex & relationship educator Kate McCombs. You can learn more about Sex Geekdom here, and you can join Sex Geekdom Los Angeles via our Facebook Group.
SexPositive World (SexPositiveWorld.org) is a social community and a movement. We organize public-interest seminars and workshops (usually on the subject of better sex and relationships), as well as social gatherings. We have chapters in 6 cities in the USA, and 4 cities in Europe. We believe that people of every gender are longing for more love, connection, touch, and pleasure in their lives. We know that sex-negativity has systematically robbed people of safe and healthy ways to get these needs met, and we know that there is much work to be done to reclaim sexuality as something natural, healthy, and beautiful. Helping people feel safe and empowered is key, and good boundaries are vital. Together with a team of therapists and sex-educators SPW has developed a class with the aim to empower, teach strategy, find solutions, and make possible more love in the world.
Accessibility information for this event:
WCCW has a 36” wide ramp at our front entrance and a stairway with 8 steps and a rail. There are 2 gender neutral restrooms. One restroom is wheelchair accessible, with a handrail. We provide scent free soaps and encourage guests to attend our events scent free, however organic cleaning supplies are stored in the handicap accessible bathroom. If you require ASL interpretation, CART, interpretation for a language other than English, or have any other access needs or questions, please contact [email protected] at least two weeks in advance. It is our practice to do everything we can to create a safe and accessible space.
*All members get 20% off paid programming. A limited number of free spots are also available for Warrior & Goddess level members. Email [email protected] to inquire about free tickets.
Our program costs go directly towards compensation of the instructors and staffers who work the event. We want to make programming as accessible as possible to anyone who is interested, however, so we offer volunteer opportunities in exchange for membership, as well as free community tickets to each program (number varies depending on capacity of the class). Email [email protected] for more info or to find out more about these opportunities for a specific event.